So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
