Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
