Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
