DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize