Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
