how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
