There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
