If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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