your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
