i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
