And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
