my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
