normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
