dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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