You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
