two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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