I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
