He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you win again, gameday.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
