Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
