How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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