I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
