You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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