Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
