Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just cut my nipple shaving
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
