I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
