I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
