I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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