I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
