If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
