just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
