Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
