I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
