He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
