i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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