i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
