does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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