I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We need to get me chipped asap
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
