i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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