The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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