overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
