the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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