thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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