I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
