It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
