my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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