I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
