Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
