"it" just moved
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
