My first STD was from a foam party
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
