I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
