At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
