and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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