Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
