you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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