I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
