someone threw a dead crab at me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
