Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
