why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
