cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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