When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
