only if we run a train.
done.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
