when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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