So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize