i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
