maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
