The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
