Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
