Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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