I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
