I think i peed on brittanys purse
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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